Wednesday, February 23, 2011

40DLD-38: Christians in the Gym

Jesus was a carpenter.  But there weren't a whole lot of trees around Galilee, those were mostly up in Lebanon.  What Jesus probably built with was stone.  That means our Lord could probably bench-press a quarter-ton boulder and leg-press most of the apostles.

You don't have to be a Christian to believe your body is a temple.  Lots of people follow that philosophy, but it's a question of to whom (or Whom) that temple is dedicated.  As Christians, some of us really like taking care of that temple, to the point where we let these little lights of ours shine in the weight room.  You can recognize these folks fairly easily:

1. The Scripture Spotter

This is the guy standing over another guy yelling, "COME ON!  YOU CAN LIFT ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU!  BY HIS STRIPES YOU CAN GIMME FOUR MORE REPS!"

2. The Cardiovangelist

This lady makes an effort to use as many separate cardio machines as possible so she can set each one's personal viewscreen to a different Christian channel or digital music station and leave it on, whereby the next user might get saved.

3. The Singing Strainer

Many people like to listen to music while they work out.  Some like to sing along with it, even though nobody else can hear the song except for your possibly on key rendition.  A few have their anthem song playing while they do the most strenuous exercise, and still sing along.  You'll know this guy when you hear him grunting, "our GAHHHHHHHHHHHd is an AHHHHHHHHwesome GAAAAAAAAAAAHd He RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHns from hAAAAAAAAAAHHHven abAAAAAAAAAAHve."

4. Barnabas

This guy, like the guy who discipled Paul, is literally the Son of Encouragement...or, in his case, perhaps more like the guy who would like to court Encouragement's daughter and is at his first Encouragement family reunion.  He's the one telling girls working out that God gave them a beautiful figure.  For the record, his favorite piece of equipment is the mirror and he probably still smells like the baptismal.  Laying on of hands is highly recommended.

5. The Theological Trash Talker

For some reason, this guy feels the need to debate theology in the middle of a fitness facility.  Out of a two-hour workout, he might spend 15 minutes doing something, provided he gets ignored long enough to stretch.  Press on with your workout; he won't stop talking, but at least you can have something to distract yourself from him momentarily.

So those are my observations and encounters.  Have you ever run into any of these?  Who did I miss?

3 comments:

  1. The Youth Pastor who is constantly talking to everybody and using the word Duuuude. A lot.

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  2. Around here, "Dude, brah!" is a complete sentence. The other half of the conversation is usually, "IKNORITE!?!??!"

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  3. Number four cracked me up. I don't go to the gym (something about working out with dozens of other people does not appeal to me), but I'd also add the person who likes to strike up a conversation with anyone so they can share the Gospel with them. Not a bad thing, of course, but it's a little hard to concentrate on eternity when you're trying to use the elliptical.

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